otrazhenie | Station 72 >> Mental Link

[ The second she realizes the effect it's having on Gildor, she pulls everything back, scrambling to stuff it all under the surface of her rippling shield, a horrified apology radiating out from her. She hadn't meant to do that to him, put him through this sort of distress. It's only been a few days, but she's already forgotten what it's like to be new to all of this. ]

( Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn't-- I wasn't thinking. I'm used to being around Damon and Sam, I didn't think about how it would feel for you. )

[ And she feels terrible about it. But at least he doesn't seem angry, hasn't turned and left her behind yet. That's... comforting. ]

( I guess I was... afraid that you'd feel the same way about me that she does. )

(It's alright, it's alright.)

[ Gildor's calm reassurance does little to keep her from frantically re-submerging into her own watery mind. It's a tiny bit frustrating, but there is no blame he can put on her - not after feeling her own fear in that first meeting so prominently. Though pained, his headspace remains open, welcoming, patient. ]

(Well, you've nothing to fear from me. I am not Lakshmi. Neither is the boy in our brood, Mr. Ikari. Although, word of advice with him - don't try any brain-things yet. He may throw a screaming fit.)

[ His mental voice is gentle, calmly measured in a trained sort of way. ]

(You've been honest with me, so allow me to be honest with you-

In my time I have assisted in the irradiation of many... undead creatures. Some have been blood-drinkers.)

[ And then quickly, with one hand in the air in a practiced show of peace- ]

(I will not do that here.)

[ The way Gildor is handling all of this, being gentle and open and welcoming, if just what Elena needs, really. She's so terrified of hurting someone, of burning the few bridges she has in this place, that his reaction buoys her slightly like little else could.

She makes a note of his warning about their other broodmate, another who she hasn't met yet. It's important to know, and he'll be able to feel the surge of gratitude at his advice. But then there's a spike of fear and worry--irradiation??-- though it quiets just a bit at his promise. ]

( Why not? )

[ Perhaps it's Damon's influence, a bit of the paranoia needed to survive peeking out, but after her encounter with Lakshmi she has to wonder why someone who's killed vampires wouldn't be ready to do it again when faced with one. ]

(Because you appear to have your humanity in tact. The undead of my world do not.)

[ Her mind is a pool of emotion, not a blank desire to feast on the blood of innocents and grow a nest. He's never been inside the heads of vampores, but he's encountered enough to know they are scourge. More a disease to humanity and themselves, no longer the people they once were.

But it's more than that. Even if she was evil and half-mindless, he'd still be drawn to protect her. It's the part of all this he's not sure he understands about Lakshmi's fervent rage against Elena. ]

(And we are a part of each other now, even if we didn't ask to be.)

[ Is that what it was like for Lakshmi? Are the vampires of her world mindless monsters without any humanity left in them? No, they were... They had to be different, or she would have noticed just how different Elena is. Right? That has to explain why she still hates her so much...

Gildor's words help, more than she could ever hope to express. That he sees that she has her humanity still means so much to her. ]

( I promise I'll never hurt you. I don't want to, and if something happens and I-- I'll stop myself. I'll do whatever it takes. )

[ Because he's right, they are part of each other, and she'll protect him with her life. It's not only the urging of the symbiote compelling her to do so, but her own instinct as well. It's who she is. ]

(That's very noble of you.)

[ While he believes her, there is a part of him holding back. He doesn't ask what will happen if she cannot stop herself, if the worst should happen and she becomes like the monsters he once helped slay. Instead of jumping to that conclusion the way Lakshmi did, he needs more details. ]

(Can you tell me a little more about your... condition?) [ He hesitates on the word, trying to be polite. ] (Like our queen, I still have preconceived notions about vampires in general.)

[ But unlike the queen of their brood, Gildor is willing set aside those notions and listen. He holds out a single gloved hand, a silent offering for her to walk and talk with him so they aren't two figures loitering on the grounds seemingly doing nothing. ]

[ Her condition. He makes it sound like a disease, a disability to be weathered. Perhaps she'd once thought that way too, but now she knows that it's simply what she is now. She's a vampire, and with that come certain instincts, urges, and those must be overcome, but there's never going to be any getting around her nature, as much as she hopes there could be. ]

( What do you want to know? )

[ She needs some sort of direction in order to have some sort of idea of where to even begin. And there are things she likely shouldn't tell him, for the safety of herself and Damon, but... he'll know it all eventually, more than likely. ]

[ He can tell he's upset her in the way she ignores the offered hand. So he retracts it, opting to stay put and holding onto his staff with both hands instead. ]

(Well, for starters... do you drink blood? If so, how often do you need to? How are those you drink from effected after? Do they become vampires as well?)

[ The very basics. There is another kind of vampire from his world that drains mortals of their emotions. He'd like to make sure he's thinking of all the right things in regards to her. ]

(Is there anything in particular that can harm you? Sunlight, holy water - anything we need to avoid to keep you safe? Garlic?)

[ The mention of garlic is the only point at which there's a hint of concern not for her, but for himself. He rather likes garlic, but he's ready to add it to the list of things he can't eat if need be. ]

[ She hopes she hasn't offended him by not taking that offered hand. It just seems so... personal, to do something like that, and when this understanding between them is still so new, it's difficult. But he'd had the right idea, it'll be better for them to keep moving, and so she offers another feeling of apology. ]

( Let's walk. )

[ The first steps she takes are slow; she'll take her cues on pace from him. ]

( I have to drink blood to survive, yes. I can go days without it, weeks, before I would have trouble functioning and desiccate. But I-- I've only been a vampire for a few days, so it's harder for me to get through the hunger. I'm trying, though. )

[ There are so many questions. It's all important information, but it's so much all at once, and it's so hard for her to explain it and know that now all of this applies to her as well. ]

( Sunlight will burn me. Literally. Even just a second of exposure. If I was back home, my witch friend Bonnie would have made me a ring that would keep me safe with magic, but I was brought here before I could get one. )

[ And now she'll never be able to walk in the sun again without being covered like she is now. That hurts to think about more than most of the rest of it, really. ]

[ Though it would be easier to hold onto her and follow, he's perfectly capable of walking beside her without and perfectly happy to. More capable than he's letting on, to avoid suspicion. He'd explain another day - for now, he simply listens.

And what she says makes his brows furrow under the veils, his usual smile gone. ]

(Only a few days? Oh, my dear-) [ His small worries about topping things off with garlic are no more, the tone of his mental voice shifting with apology. ] (I've feel I've been insensitive. Tell me when to stop with the questions.)

[ He doesn't have any more to follow up with, not right away. Instead he continues to listen and follow, just a step behind so he can hear the crunch of sandy dust under her boots. It's difficult to disguise the string quartet now playing in his mind as anything but sympathetic, and the more he mulls her story over, the sadder the song becomes. ]

(Turned only a few days ago, a mysterious enemy arrives, you're whisked away here, and immediately attacked by someone now joined to you. I'll need to have a talk with Lakshmi...)

[ She's grateful for the apology, for that sympathetic tone to his mental state, but she doesn't stop his line of inquiry or shy away from the discussion at hand. This is her life now. It was awful before and it's still awful, that's just the way things go for her and there's no hiding from it now. ]

( I don't think that talking will really change her mind on any of this. I don't blame her for hating vampires, I just-- )

[ She's not a monster. Or at least, she's trying not to be. She doesn't want to be. But if that's all the other woman can ever see her as, if every shared inch of mental space is to be filled with rage and disgusted hate... How is she supposed to get through that? ]

( You asked about what happens when I bite someone. There aren't any after effects, other than just blood loss. I don't need much to survive, and I'm learning how to stop before I hurt someone. )

(No, but she's warming up to me. At least I think. If anything, I will be a bridge between the two of you.)

[ It's not an offer. He said he wanted to build more bridges between hosts - if he has to be one to keep his brood together, then he will be it. Any rage or ill intent she may feel coming from Lakshmi's end of the connection can be tempered by Gildor's passiveness now that he and Elena have finally established their connection. It's an easy thing to task himself with when he already likes them both.

Besides, even if talking doesn't change Lakshmi's mind, he wants to know why. He has Elena's story now, or the beginnings of it. They would also need Lakshmi's to reach a better understanding of one another. And understanding is just what he's trying to do, as he continues to listen- ]

(That is good. Is there anyone here helping you to learn?)

[ He would offer to help there too - he enjoys teaching, but this is out of his league. ]

[ There will be absolutely no mistaking the surge of affection when Gildor asks that particular question, nor any hiding the fragments of memories of Damon that rise to the surface of that ocean in her mind. Arguing with him, all the times he's saved her life, when she'd stayed by his side while he was so close to dying. Kissing him and wanting to choose him. She hasn't admitted it to herself and likely won't for a long time, but there's love there in those memories, especially the one of her birthday and the gift he'd given her. ]

( Damon's been helping me. He's-- We know each other from home. He's a friend. )

[ It's an understatement, but explaining Damon Salvatore to any degree of success would take hours, and she's fairly certain Gildor isn't that interested in the subject. ]

[ Another sudden surge hits him, her mind like a wave - gentle, but still as unpredictable as the tides. At the very least, this time her memories are of happier times. Gildor is caught off guard again, but not nearly so badly as before. ]

(Didn't I ask for warning?)

[ His tone is only as accusing as it is mocking. Gentle, playful, happy for her. ]

(I'm glad you have such a close friend here with you. Are you sure he is-?)

[ The rest is implied in thoughts without words, the quartet in his mind trilling lightly. A love song. Just a friend, eh? ]

[ Elena pulls everything back down in a hurried scramble, not having realized she'd been doing anything. All of this is so new and strange, and sometimes she wonders if her volatile vampire state is only making everything else more difficult. ]

( Sorry! ) [ It's a bit sheepish and quiet, and then--

And then. ]

( What? No. No. Damon's just a friend; I'm with his brother, Stefan. ) [ But even as she says it, there's something about the words that seems... off. Wrong, almost. She pushes that aside though, because now is not the time to think about things like that. She's not in a good place and that's definitely not the time to be making decisions like that. ]

(Oh, of course.)

[ The sense of apology is returned - sorry for assuming. And while his mental voice sounds sincere, the love song his mind has started to play continues. Not to mock her further. It's just a nice song is all, something light for them to both listen to and hopefully take the edge off his continued questioning. ]

(So Mr. Damon has been helping you, and...? Is there anyone else keeping you healthy?)

[ It's the most polite way he can think to phrase it, rather than ask who she's been receiving blood from. ]

[ Elena assumes the best of people, she always has, and so she doesn't think for a moment that Gildor is continuing to mock her with the song. It's a strange facet to her broodmate, that element of who he is, but she's growing accustomed to it already. ]

( Sam is letting me feed from him sometimes. )

[ She stops herself from showing Sam to him, from letting anything else rise up to the surface of her mind. There's one tiny success, at least. ]

(I will have to thank him whenever he makes himself known to me.)

[ And if he doesn't, send flowers or a fruit basket. Gildor hates the smell of blood, so he's glad to know someone else has already taken up the job. Just the thought of it now makes his skin crawl - a thought he regrettably cannot fully withhold from Elena, but it's the truth. The rancid, metallic scent still effects him even after all the work he's done as a healer. It's the part of acting as a bard he's always struggled with most.

But still, the new little bugger in his brain implores him to find ways to help his brood. The symbiote's opinion aside, what sort of bard is he if he cannot support the group? ]

(Can you feed from anyone who is... ah... not fully human? I ask because I am only half. )

[ He is aware his genealogy is probably not apparent with the disguise on. It's difficult, but he is offering himself as a source of blood well. Lakshmi will be mad, but he has a feeling she's always a bit mad. ]

Edited 2017-08-30 09:07 (UTC)

[ A feeling of affection, toward both Gildor and Sam, rises up at the comment about thanking him. Sam's a good guy, a really good guy, and she still can't believe sometimes that he's doing all he is for her. It just seems like too much, even though she knows she would do the same for someone else in his place.

When she catches wind of how her broodmate feels about the scent of blood, her heart sinks. How unfortunate it is for him to be tied to her - a vampire who dreams of blood, who craves it every waking second, who even now can smell it rushing beneath his skin. She stuffs all of that down where he hopefully won't share the experience, or where it will at least be muffled rather than hitting him full-force.

And yet, despite how affected he is by blood, he offers her his. It makes her want to hug him, honestly, and there's a swell of gratitude toward him. ]

( We're able to drink from animals and stay healthy, but I've never tried feeding on someone who isn't fully human, so I'm not sure. I hope that I never have to find out, though. )

[ She's not going to take him up on that offer unless she absolutely has to, but she still appreciates that he made the offer at all. ]

[ The two of them are fighting to keep the other from being too insulted by things neither can control. Rather than become embarrassed or holding it back anymore, Gildor laughs. There's just something funny about their predicament, the irony in it, and how both of them are trying to go about doing the right thing despite themselves. ]

(Well, just in case, you can come to me. I have some healing abilities, and, well... I've been a bard for roughly a century. Healing was never my strongest subject, but it's about time I got over the smell.)

[ He can't promise to be delicious, or not become nauseated, but at least he can heal whatever wound she makes. Lakshmi won't even see the bite marks. ]

[ His laugh is contagious, and when she starts up too, even quietly, it feels good. After the stress of the past week, it feels really good, and she's grateful to him for that too. It's this moment when Elena decides she likes Gildor, and that she's truly grateful to have him as part of their messed up little brood. ]

( Thank you, Gil. That means a lot to me. )

[ His laugh fades naturally, but somewhere deep in the darkness of his mind a chord is struck. Not suddenly or sharply, but it resonates within him like a deep bass. ]

(No one's called me that in-)

[ He tries to recall, but sorting his memories of that time are muddled and confusing. Trying to count the years that have passed is like counting grains of sand slipping between open fingers. If anything, he doesn't seem upset. Just nostalgic for something he decides is better left buried in the dark. ]

(I prefer Mr. Helyanwe, but... I could get used to Gil again.)

[ For her. He was just saying it was about time he get over his aversion to blood - he may as well get over the custom formalities of names he's so used to. Hardly any of the hosts seem to use them.

His thoughts settle back to the song he'd been playing in the back of his mind. He pauses where he walks, and tries holding a hand out for her again. ]

(Would you mind showing me the way back to the tents, Miss Gilbert?)

[ It's so much more endearing than she would have thought it'd be that he's willing to let her slip under that barrier of proper names and politeness. She could have called him Mr. Helyanwe, easily, but it'll be so much more personal to include him in the circle of people she calls by shortened versions of their names. Her family, friends, and now a broodmate. ]

( Of course, I'd be delighted. )

[ And she reaches out to take his hand, guiding it up to her arm so they could walk side-by-side like friends, which she hopes they'll become. ]

COMPASSION never lose it	GRIEF
BLOOD	KATHERINE i look like her

Station 72 >> Mental Link

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject